Check yourself, before you wreck yourself...

Last night I worked late. Perhaps the school office didn't close until after 7:00 PM, and I was one of the last people out the door. Perhaps it was my loopiness from working a very long day, or perhaps it was actually this weird, but I received an envelope on my desk marked "From the Board of Education". This is not uncommon, so I dumped the contents of the envelope out onto the desk. I looked down and saw three things:
- A piece of paper entirely in Japanese other than my name
- Another paper with a blank calendar on it
- A blue plastic bag with medical "things" inside

I didn't quite know what to make of the medical things or the papers, so my JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) helped me to figure out what everything was. Well, sort of. Inside the blue plastic bag were two syringe-looking things without needles. Each one was filled with liquid. Then, there was another blue "collection" bag (I think), and a small folded instruction manual.

We opened the "manual", and it was all in Japanese. My JTE looked at it and said, "Ahhhh, health check." OK, what kind of health check was this? I mean, I have been to many doctors and even the hospital for at least one extended stay, but I have never seen anything like this before. Upon closer inspection, the manual has a sufficiently obscure cartoon of a guy, straddling two different kinds of toilets, like he's riding in the Kentucky Derby. Beneath his bottom there is a white oval object. OK. I think I get it. I'm supposed to produce a stool. Right. Next step. Ummm. The next step is to use the syringe-looking things to for something? Maybe I'm supposed to bake a cake? I have no clue!
There is a picture of some kind of brown spot with white arrows moving in different directions all around it. OK. This is getting gross. I point this out to my JTE while simultaneously concealing a nervous laughter and she just says that it is very difficult to explain, but that I have to go to the hospital and make an appointment. I ask her if the medical "things" are for the hospital. Her reply was a simple, "No, they are for you."

Right. For me. OK. I don't know how I'm supposed to work the syringe-looking things, especially since they have some kind of liquid inside. Is it dangerous? And, am I supposed to "prepare" ahead of time or do I have to produce a stool at the hospital on demand? If so, how am I going to make an appointment more than 3 weeks ahead of time for something like that? Perhaps I can eat a TON of fiber the night before, then rush to the hospital right after I wake up. Who knows?! My JTE is going to "research" the issue and look up the proper words in the dictionary to help me understand. For now, I'm left wondering what kind of trouble I've gotten myself into by moving here.

So, wish me luck. In Japanese we say "Gambatte, kudasai!" This translates to "Do your best, please!" I suppose the Japanese don't believe in luck, but rather in the virtue of your own hard work. This sounds like hard work.

Gambarimasu!
Maikeru
:-)